Title: Shihakushou Repair Service
Characters: Ichigo, Ishida, Chad, Orihime, Zangetsu
Warnings: PG-13 for nudity.
Disclaimer: I don’t own Bleach, Kubo Tite does. I just use his characters to write crack.
Summary: Ever wonder how Ichigo’s shihakushou gets cleaned and mended after every fight?
Author’s Note: Somewhat AU setting, as this is post Soul Society Arc, yet Ishida has his powers still.
The familiar screech of a Hollow tore through Karakura as if it was calling out to the local Hollow extermination squad to come purify it. Without hesitation, Ichigo ran out of his classroom with another lame excuse, (“I feel like I’m going to throw up! Excuse me!”) and made haste to reach the Hollow before it wrecked any mayhem upon the city. Orihime, Chad, and even Ishida were not far behind him, each having left the class with their own lame excuses.
It didn’t take long to catch up with the Hollow, as it was apparently circling around the high school, drawn by so many high reiatsus condensed in one spot. Ishida readied his bow, Chad’s special arm was out, and Orihime called out all six of the Shunshun Rika.
Ichigo pulled his special shinigami representative seal out and separated his shinigami form from his body, and felt instantly drafty upon doing so.
“Kuro… saki… kun…” Orihime stared at Ichigo, completely shocked. Baigon and Lily did their best to cover Orihime’s innocent eyes.
“Kurosaki! Is this some kind of sick joke? Cover yourself!” Ishida snapped.
Chad tried to advert his gaze and concentrate on the Hollow, which too was now utterly confused by what he saw.
“WHAT THE HELL?! Why am I naked?” Ichigo squatted down next to his empty body and tried to use it as a cover while he tried to remove his own school shirt to cover himself with. The only thing Ichigo was wearing was Zangetsu on his back and the red chain used to secure the massive sword.
“Sorry, Ichigo. I didn’t expect you to go fighting so soon.” A voice emanating from Ichigo’s sword apologized. Judging from the reactions of his friends, Ichigo guessed they had heard Zangetsu too.
“Zangetsu! What did you do to my clothes?!” Ichigo demanded as he fumbled with unbuttoning his school shirt. It might’ve been easier had he removed his pants, but then that’d leave his empty body only in his underwear, for all the student-body to see. So he figured he’d try and make a very makeshift loincloth with his shirt.
“Your last battle left your shihakushou torn and bloodied. I figured I would do you a favor and mend and clean them before your next fight. I guess this is taking longer than I expected.” Zangetsu explained. Ichigo did his best to try and fasten his shirt so it would cover himself and stay in place. But now, it was looking more like a diaper than a loin cloth.
“You could have told me first!” Ichigo growled as he realized he was fighting a losing battle with his makeshift diaper.
“Kurosaki, you’re hopeless. Here, let me fix it for you.” Ishida reached into his pockets and drew out several safety pins.
“Let me know when Kurosaki-kun isn’t naked anymore.” Orihime said as she had her hands over her eyes. Baigon and Lilly both did their best to make sure she didn’t peek. The rest of the Shunshun Rika were looking away politely. Except for Tsubaki, who was cackling madly at Ichigo’s humiliation.
“Ack! You don’t have to, Ishida…” But before Ichigo could finish that sentence, Ishida had fastened Ichigo’s ‘diaper’ over his hips with a couple of safety pins on either side. Also, with some clever folding, Ishida managed to make Ichigo’s shirt properly resemble a diaper.
“Ichigo, if you want, we can fight it for you.” Chad spoke up finally. He was drawing in spirit energy with his arm already while the Hollow was still utterly confused by seeing a naked shinigami.
“No, no, I’m ready now. Completely humiliated, but ready.” Ichigo sighed and pulled Zangetsu off his bare back.
The Hollow didn’t take very long to defeat, as it was still rather stunned by what it had saw.
Ichigo quickly merged with his body again and realized shortly afterwards that he was now shirtless.
“Today is definitely not my day. Go ahead back to class, I’ll go borrow my PE shirt for the rest of today.” Ichigo waved his friends off and started heading towards the PE locker rooms.
“There better not be any more Hollows today, Zangetsu. I’m never going to fight naked again!” Ichigo thought.
“Fine. I’ll keep this diaper handy for next time I fix your shihakushou.” Ichigo could have sworn that Zangetsu was probably grinning in his weird, sideways world.